I met a sister in Christ yesterday during a small group meeting (there were only 4 of us). As I haven’t been in Church for a while, hibernating for personal reasons, the two younger ladies and I met for the first time. One is in a very difficult moment in her life. Though her story is different, I could well identify with her as I went through similar instances in my Christian journey. I say instances because I realized that I went through different heartbreaking situations three times in the past. It is in the third experience that I learned my lesson and became who I am now in Christ.
To suffer from feelings of rejection and abandonment with the nagging feelings of guilt and condemnation is never easy. As I spoke to the younger woman who listened intently, I could see her eyes on the verge of tears every time a word hit home. I could see myself in her. I was in her shoes and so I knew what it felt like when someone spoke a word of hope no matter how simple. I remember well how a brother’s pat on my back with a simple, “How are you?” actually brought me to tears. That was over two decades ago and yet I could never forget it.
Wish I could say that after the experience I became wiser and stronger. Unfortunately, no, because if I did, then I would not have fallen into another heartache which became my worst nightmare. But praise God, I finally learned my lesson.
As I was giving advice to the young lady through text messages, I could see myself again trying to hold to the people whom the Lord brought to me to comfort me. I remember hanging on to those handful of brethren which made me feel ashamed for bothering them with my almost never-ending pity party; and this is what this young lady was telling me in her response. This then reminded me how I actually turned around to start my journey to healing. It was one simple step but looking back, that was the most significant step I made that brought me to where I am now.
I remember around 9 years ago telling the brothers and sisters who went their way to meet me for the nth time just to listen to me, that I’ve had enough; that I no longer want the devil to have his way and I didn’t want to be in the defensive anymore; that I would rise up in the Lord and face him squarely and turn the table against him.
The fight was long and hard like taking two steps forward and one step backward, but by His grace, I kept on. The issue didn’t change overnight, nor in a week or a month or even a year after, and not even today. But I have won because I have come to know and learned to fully trust the One who loves me and died for me that I am not anymore easily moved by whatever happens around me regardless of who accepts or rejects me. I found myself and value in Christ.
While the Lord truly uses people to help us through the difficult times (and He didn’t stop sending friends my way), and I am forever grateful to everyone who each played a role in the course of my healing, it is still Yahweh who ultimately delivered me from the pit.
The lesson I learned is summed up in this thought which the Lord gave me three days ago. I didn’t realize the value of the statement then when I posted it on FB but now I know.
Don’t depend on anyone for no one is absolutely dependable; don’t look for happiness in someone for everyone is bound to fail you in the long run. Stand on your own feet but make sure you are standing on the unshakable Rock, Jesus Christ, Yeshua HaMashiach, the eternally reliable, dependable and trustworthy God and Lord. He alone can hold you and lead you securely unto eternity.
5 Thus says the Lord:
“Cursed is the man who trusts in man
And makes flesh his strength,
Whose heart departs from the Lord.
6 For he shall be like a shrub in the desert,
And shall not see when good comes,
But shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness,
In a salt land which is not inhabited.
7 “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
And whose hope is the Lord.
8 For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes;
But its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit.
Love and blessings in Yeshua,