A Mother’s Pain

I don’t have the intention to write about my life as a mother and expose my children’s ordeal but I feel the urge to do so knowing that I am not alone in this situation. Many children and young people of today are suffering because of absentee fathers, and mothers bear their pain. Writing my heart out may help some of you who are in the same boat with me.

I cried countless days and nights when I discovered my husband’s affair. But that has ended a few years ago when I yielded to the Lord and gave the situation to Him. The Lord comforted me in deep and mysterious ways and led me higher until the wound is healed and the pain is gone. I have forgiven him although our relationship has not been restored. I have no desire to reconcile because the Lord showed me how defiled the marriage bed has become that I could not go back to it anymore. I just can’t.

In spite of my healing as a wife, I am suffering as a mother to my hurting children. Yes, I stopped crying for my husband a few years ago, but I am now crying for my children. What I saw this morning isn’t just a sign that they are adversely affected by their dad’s betrayal. What I saw is the ugly reality that I am in for the big fight for the life of my children as anger and resentment have taken hold of them and they are manifesting more and more as they are growing up. This is the most difficult part, seeing their pain everyday and no matter what I say and do, they just continue to hurt. I know I can never fill the place of their father in their hearts.

My children are achievers and highly gifted, qualities that make parents proud and happy. But they are broken… and there are countless broken children, including some of their classmates and friends, for no fault of their own. My heart goes out to these young people that’s why I will be on my knees for them. I will weep for my children and all the children in the world who are suffering. I know that the Father loves them and cares for them and I want to be an instrument, a channel of His love for them.

To be continued…

 

 

 

 

Don’t Quit

During a very difficult time in 2010 I said to God in desperation that unless He intervened I would certainly quit. I said I would not do anything good or bad but definitely I would stop hoping and believing. I slept with a heavy heart because I meant everything I said and contemplated; because I felt truly hopeless and helpless. But as faithful and good as He is, He didn’t let go of me. He gave me a message in a very vivid dream.

In the dream I was down on the floor, no strength nor wish to get up. Then I heard a voice calling aloud, “Where are now those who are willing to stand in His name?; who will defend Him now?”

As I heard it I realized that everyone seemed to turn away, and I did not want to. I mustered all my will and stood on my feet; and raising my arms high I shouted on top of my voice, “JESUS IS LORD! JESUS IS LORD! JESUS IS MY LORD!”

Suddenly, two women turned and looked at me angrily. They raised their hands to slap me but they hit an invisible wall and hit it hard. In shock and amazement they walked away from me.

I woke up and cried as it dawned on me how foolish I was to tell God I was quitting. He showed me in the dream that I could not and really would not want to run away from Him. He also clearly showed me that those who wished me harm, those who wanted to see me fall would be disappointed for He is protecting me. He is my shield and those who will attack me will find themselves attacking and hitting Him instead. Hallelujah!!!

If you feel like quitting, thinking that God does not care or is not concerned about you and your situation, you are definitely wrong. He loves you more than you ever know. Hold on and wait upon the Lord for He is doing something good out of your troubles. He is molding you into the person that He wants you to be; that you will be perfectly fit for the calling that He has for you. The process is painful but when you come out of it, when you see yourself transformed in His expert hands you will certainly thank and praise Him that He let you go through the fire.

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say[a] to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
    and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his pinions,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
You will not fear the terror of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
    nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
You will only look with your eyes
    and see the recompense of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place—
    the Most High, who is my refuge[b]
10 no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
    no plague come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways.
12 On their hands they will bear you up,
    lest you strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the adder;
    the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.

14 “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
    I will protect him, because he knows my name.
15 When he calls to me, I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble;
    I will rescue him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

Cynthia

A Quick Note and Testimony

It has been close to six months since the last time I published on this blog; and getting back is not easy. I lost my momentum although not the desire to write and share the things I learned from the Lord. Praise Yahweh for not giving up on me.

I want to thank all of you, brothers and sisters, who took the time to contact me through this blog or email and would like to ask your forgiveness for not giving you answers as I thought I would be able to write on this blog soon. But, obviously, it took me such a long time to sit down and write.

Anyway, I got sick last year and that’s the primary reason for my absence. It started off as  an unusual fatigue in the early part of June last year and gradually itensified as the days went by. Without detailing the symptoms, I was hospitalized in August and was diagnosed with Grave’s disease that caused hyperthyroidism. I was still sick when I posted the last article about the “Day of Prayer for the Peace of Jerusalem;” and praise the Lord, I was still able to attend and do my part in the event last October.

Although the medicines worked, I remained physically weak and didn’t regain the weight I lost which was about 10kgs because I would not take those medicines dutifully. In my last visit to the doctor over two months ago, he said that I would need to undergo radioactive iodine treatment to stop my thyroid from producing excessive iodine. He explained that it was safe though it meant causing the thyroid in the long run to stop working altogether thus creating the opposite situation of a hypo thyroid; safe in the sense that the lack of iodine is not harmful and can easily be supplemented compared to a hyper thyroid that could affect the other organs adversely when not treated. Both cases didn’t sound good to me and I thought I could pray and ask the Father to heal me.

Well, I returned to taking the prescribed medicine which was really effective. But as very typical of me, I rebelled against depending on pills to keep me in shape so I acted on my conviction that the Father could heal me. I went to the Lord in prayer, desperately asking Him to restore my thyroid to its normal function. Filled with the Spirit, my faith soared and by His leading I opened my Bible to see what He would tell me; and alas! I looked straight to the highlighted word in 2 Kings 20:5 that says, “… ‘I have heard your prayer and seen your tears and I will heal you.’…”

Yahweh gave me the word He gave Hezekiah after he desperately prayed for healing. I thanked and praised Him and told Him that I would just finish off the medicines for the next three days and won’t buy anymore but trust that He already healed me. From that day forward, about two months now, I never suffered from any symptom. I don’t look sick and feel sick anymore. I am physically normal and that’s all because of His faithfulness. Praise and glory to Yahweh!

I will end this note for now but will be back soon. Thank you for all your prayers and for remembering me during my absence. The Lord bless and keep you all.

Love in Yeshua,

Cynthia